Meaningless

Sep 10

Something’s got to give

you can only run
so far
before the wave descends

crashing down
on everything you know

maybe

maybe

a build up is inevitable

like the fear we all cling on to

procrastination is a vessel

taking us further from
the things that are good for us

wild wild horses

they run from the mountains

run through the deserts

but will always need water

and we

we will always need time

to stop

gather our strength

find a new direction

all I want for you
is what you want for me

A Beautiful Life

no less

and at least

room to breathe

no two roses grow the same

but you know my heart

like you know my name.


Sep 7

left

he left and it was quite abrupt.
i mean, we saw it coming
just didn’t expect it
you know?
i guess you don’t
not really
you see someone fading
but not breaking
you see someone failing
but not falling
you see someone thinning…
it wasn’t fair
not really to anyone
and it never is
but it bewilders me
why nobody has found a way
to extinguish this thing
that kills so many
not that easy
but so not a casual thing
you can take or leave
like ‘fine, whatever’
or
'i'll work on that later'
it’s strange to think
of all the things we’ve conquered
as a species
top of the food chain
supposedly
and yet there is this thing
that renders us helpless
loveless
stealing the laughter out of our mouths
when laughter is the most beautiful thing
he left
and i fear for the rest
1 in 3 is one too many.


swear to god it’s ridiculous how much I love you
every day
I count my blessings
like a goldfish
always pleasantly surprised that you’re still there
I grin ear to ear
until everybody’s sick
and I long to shout it from the rooftops
or at least post it on your wall
“your love gives me all
and more
than I ever imagined before”
best friend
family
home and back again
future and past
not erased but turned into something
to help this grow
and you know
everything I ever went through lead me to you
and how fucking lucky that is too
the odds ridiculous
that I might find
you at that perfect time
me ready for that next wave of shock-inducing pain
and instead I got
light rain on a summer’s day
only allowing me to appreciate
the sweetness of the wind more fully
you have been eternal sunshine to me
ever since you swaggered in
made me blush
kissed me by the bus stop
though it was me kissed you
you kissed back too
and nothing is completely easy
but it feels like it’s the right thing
and it has for a long long time
I guess it’s just nice
to see how far I’ve come
gone
lost now
in your eyes.


Sep 6

freckles

showmanship is important to you
i’m not sure why
since you seem fairly comfortable with yourself
i mean for reals
maybe it’s a personality defect of mine
to not give a flying fuck
what people think
of how I look
or what I wear
but you
you take pains to present yourself
a certain way
well put together
like you threw on any old casual thing
and it turned out great
i don’t get it

I guess it’s just another facet of you
but me
I get to see ya naked
and count the freckles crawling down your leg like spiders
kiss them each and every one
maybe it’s a blessing
that you close off parts of you to the world
because i get to get you
uncensored
unbound
undiscovered
and I really mean undiscovered
me
your first real love
and you
mine.


Aug 29

tink

smiling doesn’t come easy to you
not right now
for whatever reason
your bones are heavy
your chest aches
aches with a knowledge
and longing
it’s been there for years
and sometimes
it’ll creep up
sidle on closer
and whisper in your ear
all the things you avoid telling yourself
but feel to be true
it swoops on in
like a raven
encouraging surrender
but refusing to lead by example
you know that you are vacant
but i know otherwise
i’ve seen you
hiding in there
small in the recess of your ribcage
shaking in fear and grief
maybe that’s not a comfort
and maybe that’s not enough
but there is a bright spark in you
that i still see
flickering faintly
and although you are small
in your long and willowed frame
you are no less lovely to me
i dream of a day
you will stand up and clap your hands
and see your light as strong as i can
and you’ll yell and rejoice
at the wonder of you
because i do believe in fairies
i do
i do.


Aug 28

rediscovery

i find you by the window
inching closer to the sill
pulling your arms through the gaps
where my mind sits still
under the arches and through
over the hills and far
we used to sit in your car
and wait for the tick tick to start
before we could rush away
and hide our love in the dark
i was not a waste to you
i was not a shame or a mistake
and now
now the leaves begin to break
they fell some time ago
dry like a pair of lips
left alone for far too long
i find you by the window
where my heart sat years past
yearning for the light to go out
but never reaching for the switch
because something told me i could be
an I again and something important to me
i followed that dream
and i left you behind
but i never forgot
that spark in my mind
and the way i just flowed
like ink from a pen
you know
one of those things we used to use
before the tap tap we make now
to communicate
but that’s a rarity
it’s okay though
because you saved me.


Jan 6

Mojo filler

impossible to say
her head spinning
her mind reeling
mouth taste metal
but what is she made of?
chalk dust and clouds?
smoke and shine
or muscle, spine
ghosts and an overcoat
over and over
and under the wind
where it’s so settled in
she can barely smell blood any more
but the memory is still
full taste metal mouth
and only gone on those good days
only back on the bad
5 years ago I was sad
5 years ago I was young
and when you’re young you get sad you get high
just like Ry said only stronger
longer
and he taught me how to love again
taught me how to
feel
first of all
Impossible
that’s what I used to say
“impossible” to say
now that world’s gone away.


Feb 10

speak back

vague daydreams
of you coming home
coming here
holding me
helping me
while i’m missing you
kissing me to sleep
whispers of love on your lips
and laughs
easing my soul
and untying this constant knot
today
maybe tomorrow
where you’ll be seas away
again and again and again
why can’t you stay
or make me feel safe
in the simplest of ways?
on the smallest of days
i will grow out my arms
and wrap me up
for want of you coming home
coming back
to a selfish girl
who hates to say what she feels
when it causes inconvenience
i hate to speak out loud
and quit that
contented silence
when underneath
i need to speak
beyond belief
to cancel out the grief..


Nov 4

Count down

I have to count up
count up to ten
every now and then I do
or wait until the clock ticks even out
so i can breathe again
and think clear
and not be seething
smoking through the teeth
and out the ears
cool off
count up
or down
feel the breeze
and feel at ease
even if I need to scream the house down
count
down
count the pieces of heart I have
not left, but right
all right and round and smooth
enough to soothe a burning rage
like a hole scorched right through
every single page of your favourite book
when you can no longer look back
or forward sometimes
without seeing your own hands
and wondering how to make them work
in ways that abandon the complete lack of faith
inherent in the faces
of the grave, cold stones
the ones that
you know
burn those holes, like ungrateful children
not seeing
not seeing
i breathe
i count to ten
and down again.

written 23/9


Nov 2

keep me sweet

you inspire poetry in me
music and colour
flowing like wine or water
and growing like fruits
still ripening
waiting for the ruin
praying for rain to hold
hold? or fold in
not to strain but to wash clean
and keep me sweet
colourful and bright
and peaceful at night.


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